Comment Wall


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  1. Hey Payton,
    The first thing I noticed when I clicked on your site was there was not a link to a comment wall so I think you might need to add one. I really enjoyed the story you told in your introduction. It was done well and precise. I noticed on the last lines of the story the font seems to be bigger than what the rest of the story is typed in. I was wondering, is there a reason for that or was it just accidental. In your author’s note I noticed the same thing. I was also wondering what other stories we will be reading about in your storybook. It could be useful to give us a little hint so that way could prepare ourselves for the epic stories we are about to read. If the stories that follow are just as good as the one you wrote in the introduction then I think we are in for a good time. I can’t wait to read more of your stories.

  2. Hey Payton!
    I had a good time reading through your stories! I do have a few comments though. I think that thing that was most curious to me was the overall theme of your storybook. Maybe that is something that you could talk about in your author's note or in a separate introduction page.
    In the first story, you write "worthy oh her hand in marriage" and I think you mean "worthy OF her hand in marriage." Then "Prince's would come" and you mean "Princes would come" (no apostrophe). [For future recommendations Im just going to do arrows haha sorry for being lazy] "She never could find" --> "She could never find"
    In the second story, "Roger thought to himself again" --> "Roger wondered again"
    All that said, I had a good time reading it and it was a great start to your storybook! Good luck with the revisions and the final story!

  3. Hi Payton!

    I really enjoyed your stories. Your writing is so fun to read! It gives me a sense of happiness and peace, but also a feeling that something ominous is about to happen (as if everything good that is happening is too good to be true) so I need to stay on the edge of my seat. I also noticed that your endings are very unique and leave the reader with more questions than they started with. I did not get the closure I needed for either of the stories, but sometimes that is the best way to end a tale. You have a good instinct for endings!

    In "The Path Chosen", I loved the paragraph that starts with "All he saw was trees and hills...". It is so descriptive and I felt like I was the one experiencing it. I honestly could not tell where you were going with the ending, which is a good thing! I was surprised this one was a re-telling of the Turtle and the Geese, but you did a wonderful job with it. Great job, and I can't wait to read more!

  4. Hi Payton,
    I really have enjoyed your project so far. Your creativity and story writing is so good and makes readers want to keep reading. There is one tiny spelling errors in the first story, but other than that it was great! I thought you story was so fun! The House of fire was one of my favorites to read in the Mahabharata. Is this story your introduction? You may want to add an introduction so readers are sure of what your project is about. In your introduction you can add if all the stories are connected or not so there is no confusion between characters. In your second story, I like how you retold a story from our earlier readings. I also chose to do that in my project because I really enjoyed the short Jataka tales. I like how you changed up the story so that people who are familiar with the original story didn't know what was going to happen.

  5. Hello Payton! Such exciting (and unfortunate) stories you have on your portfolio site! While both have such sad endings with someone dying at the end (in an extremely terrible way I might add), the way you told the stories was very well written and organized. With just the right amount of introduction, middle content, and resolution, I thought the stories flowed very nicely. It seems you have a particular theme of "unfortunate endings" going for ya! Are you planning on making that a pattern for the rest of your stories in this portfolio? If so, a relevant title for your portfolio might make it more appealing and eye-catching for potential readers.

    I also want to comment on your interpretation of Two Turtle Jatakas. So intriguing! I never would have thought to allude that story to the classic Rapunzel fairy tale. In your story, you portrayed Roger (the "turtle) with a more negative connotation than how I portrayed the original turtle in the original folktale. I initially viewed the geese as the bad guys, but your story made the geese, (aka Roger's dad/the king) seem like they did nothing wrong, and that they were only trying to protect Roger. In the original story, I always thought the geese had bad intentions to begin with and plotted to get the turtle killed all along. You definitely mixed things up with this interpretation!

  6. Hey Payton!
    I jumped into your page as I was curious about what the title of “Interpreted Tales” came out. As I read “The Revengeful Prince”, I recognized the theme and thought you intertwined them well into a more European setting of knights and kings. I thought you’re writing read well and everything flowed nicely.
    I moved onto the “The Path Chosen” and noticed a common feel to your writing style that narrated your tale into a smooth and concise story. Great job in bringing it all together! Something I did notice was that you didn’t intertwine much dialogue and maybe that was by design? It is always difficult to tell of the thought process behind your development and I don’t like to assume. Something I have been working on is developing my writing ability by drawing on some level of dialogue. With this perspective, I wonder if you could draw on the same inspiration and try intertwining this as well. Regardless, you write very smoothly, and I felt like I was reading an excerpt from a book of short tales. Great job!

  7. Hi Payton!
    I really liked your stories! Is the theme for your portfolio castles and royalty? That’s a really cool theme which could apply to so many stories, and your stories are written really well. Your first story, the Revengeful Prince, had a couple grammatical errors in the first couple paragraphs: “every prince wanted to be worth oh [of] her hand” and “Prince’s [Princes] would come from all over the area”. It was really closely related to the Maharabhata story though, with lots of really good parallels! And The Path Chosen was my favorite; that was a really creative way to overhaul the story of the Turtle Who Wouldn’t Listen. It definitely wasn’t an obvious connection, but it made a lot of sense once you explained it in the author’s note. Curiosity kills the cat in every culture, apparently…or the turtle. Great work, and I can’t wait to read more!

  8. Payton,
    First off I would like to say that one my favorite features about your website as the aspect or simplicity in design! Going through the site and the stories within it, I saw little to no problems nor complications, which is something that I think all websites, not even in regards to this class, should have. I do suggest, however, that you should consider utilizing more images and for the cover as well as in support for your stories. Because of the stories that you included did in fact at least included a cover photo, I think that it would also be necessary for you to include such continuity with your introductory page! I think this would overall add on to an already wonderfully made website. I look forward to revisiting and reading more from you!

  9. Hi, Payton
    Your stories are so sad, both so far have had sad ending but I think it is great of you as a writer to bring the emotion out of the reader. I enjoyed reading your stories and the way you interpreted them from the originals. I had not read the original from the first story and only remember bits and pieces and your story made me go back and read it, I think I liked your version better. Both stories are very well written and follow a prolong in which the reader does not get lost. The only thing I would add, is at first I was confused about your overall theme, I think a small introduction could solve this. I am not doing portfolio so I'm not sure if it is required that could be something to add to your stories maybe in your author's note too.

  10. Hey Payton,
    Your stories have a much different tone than the ones I've read. It's a lot more somber feeling, which I think is harder to achieve. Your Portfolio looks very nice overall and it incorporates photos in a way that helps your stories. This week, I am focusing on author's notes, but I want to mention a few things about your stories first. The story I liked best was The Path Chosen, because I liked the original story a lot as well and think you did a great job incorporating that story into your own. Aside from that, the layout of your portfolio flows well and remains cohesive throughout. Looking specifically at your author's notes, I think they are both very informative on background information needed to know to understand certain aspects of the stories. You also give a very good explanation of why you wrote each story. Great job!

  11. Hi Payton! I really enjoyed both of the stories you have written in your Portfolio. As I give feedback I will be focusing on your Author's Note. In your Author's Note for "The Revengeful Prince," you gave a great, detailed description of the original story, but then briefly state the changes you have made for your story. The only thing that I wish about your Author's Note for this story, was that it elaborated more on the changes you made. You did a great job stating the changes you made. However, in order to add it it, maybe you can describe the reasons why you decided to make those changes? For example, was there another lesson you wanted to portray? Was there a reason you changed the names of the characters? Was it to make them more relatable? As a reader, I was almost wanting as much, or even more, information on the reasons why you made your changes than descriptions on the original story. I believe that you have done this in your second story! In your story "The Path Chosen," you gave more details about the reasons why you chose to articulate one thing over another. This was perfect for me! There was a great balance between original story and new story information. Overall, however, I believe you have done a great job with your work! Keep it up!

  12. Hey Payton,

    I like the changes you have done, it really feels like a change of tone for the stories. I like the new sadder tone you bring for these stories. They are well written and they were done very well as they could bring out emotion from these stories quite easily. I feel like you could bring out more emotions from these stories with a little change in formatting. Formatting can add to a story, and if you change up the format to a more morose style. You can leave it more blocky with little space to create a solitary, more lonely feeling.


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